Heaven Is a Cheesy B&B
by Sunset Mission
Summary: The trio is now dead and enjoying their afterlife, but they soon realize that they're not the only ones trying to live their life after death. The two trinities meet.


_For this to make sense, assume that the guys died at the end of the series but, because they defeated the devil, they were offered a version of their past life as an afterlife. This is mostly feel-good writing, but with a little hint of angst and depressing stuff. Because it wouldn't be Being Human without a bit of sadness._

* * *

"You get that— that _thing_ away from me right now" Alex said sternly.

"I'm not the one who makes the rules, Alex" Hal said, holding a skirt in his arms.

The door to the kitchen opened up and Tom appeared behind it. "What's all this racked about? I'm tryin'a take a nap."

"Hal says I have to wear that abomination for work tomorrow."

Tom narrowed his sleepy eyes until his vision went into focus. What he saw was Hal holding a very short waitress' skirt.

"No, you're right, you can't wear that. It's all kinds of demeaning."

"Thank you" Alex said.

Hal sighed. "I didn't say that I don't agree with you, but our boss insists all waitressing staff must wear this. And before you go motor mouth on us again, Alex, remember that you don't have so many job offers knocking on your door."

"I'm still not wearing that thing" Alex said, "I'll go over there meself and shove a boot so far up that man's arse that he'll be vomiting-"

"Alex!" both men said in unison.

"Fine!"

Alex begrudgingly snatched the skirt from Hal's hand. "But I'll have my revenge, you know. You just wait."

And she was out of the kitchen.

"Why do I have a feeling that she means revenge on us and not her current boss?" Tom asked, worried.

Hal just shook his head as he pushed the door open and walked back to the living room. He almost ran into Alex, who was looking baffled.s

"Okay" she said, "refresh my memory, that door wasn't there before, was it?"

Alex pointed at an old-looking door that had appeared next to the bookcase.

Tom scratched the back of his head. "Where did that come from? I thought this sort of stuff couldn't happen anymore now that we're already dead an' all."

The three slowly approached the door to investigate.

"It's gotta be another door from Purgatory" Tom said "it's the only thing that makes sense."

"I wouldn't look for much sense if I were you" Hal said.

Alex nodded. "We're in the afterlife. Kind of hard to find logic here."

The three kept staring at the door, looking for a reason why it should be there. And then it opened. The trio jerked back and prepared to face whatever creature would emerge. Tom froze as soon as he saw what was beyond it.

Annie, George, and Mitchell walked in, all smiles. Their expressions changed as soon as they saw each other.

"What...?" Tom asked, his mouth agape.

Alex frowned. "Annie?"

"Who are you people?" Hal asked.

"Annie" Mitchell said "mind clearing the waters here?"

"Everyone just take a breather, alright?" Annie said. "Mitchell, George, these are Hal and Alex. And I'm sure you remember Tom. The boys used to live here with me."

"Wait, you two're Mitchell and George?" Tom asked, "Oh, Annie used to talk about you two for hours, but we just never really saw any pictures."

"Not that we needed any, now that I think about it" Hal said "Annie's descriptions could get quite lengthy and vivid."

Spirits ceased to be as tense as soon as Annie began smiling, and the two trinities regarded each other much more friendly than before. They shook hands as they exchanged smiles.

"So all of you are dead now?" Mitchell asked

Alex nodded. "As a doornail. Or is it doorknob? I can never really remember how that saying goes..."

"It's just so odd" Annie said, "I walked through my door thinking Barry will be safe because I'm leaving you three behind. What happened?"

"Barry's fine, actually" Tom said, "I mean it wasn't for a while, plenty died an' all. But then we managed to defeat the devil."

"The _devil_?" George asked, his voice getting high, "Like, _the_ devil? With horns and hooves and a bloody pitchfork, that devil?!"

"Not exactly" Hal said, "more along the lines of an old crippled man." He paused, realizing how that sounded. "But that was before he managed to regain his strength. Because after that Barry was on its way to becoming one large graveyard if we hadn't stepped in."

"Yeah, you guys really missed a party" Alex said "like when Rook shot the devil in the head and blood an' brains just exploded _all_ over the place. It was really fun seein' that up close."

George swallowed, nervously. He looked positively nauseous.

"You lot settled in yet?" a voice echoed from somewhere.

"Oh thank god" George said, as he ran off towards the new door. He took a step through, and hugged someone briefly. He then stepped to the side to let Nina through.

"What was that for?" she asked, amused by George's spontaneous hug. But her smile disappeared when she saw three more people than she expected inside the living room.

"Alright, quick recap" Annie said, stepping in, "Nina – Hal and Alex, friends of mine. Hal and Alex – Nina, also a friend of mine."

The four exchanged apprehensive pleasantries as they made their way towards the sofa. The large living room of Honolulu Heights was already starting to feel a bit cramped.

"So you're sure she's alright with your parents?" George asked Nina.

"Eve's going to be just fine, George" she said, "it's just for a couple of days."

Tom and Hal's faces lit up when they heard mention of the baby.

"Eve's still..." Hal began, "I mean she's not...?"

"Eve's fine" Annie said, "I mean she's dead and all that, and she'll never manage to grow old. But still, she's fine and happy as a little clam."

"We're just happy she's still with us" George said.

A bit of an uncomfortable silence was starting to settle in.

"So I guess you're all wondering what we're doing back here" Annie said.

"Annie decided we should take a trip through some of the places we used to visit" George said.

Nina nodded. "We thought we'd stay here for a while, just a couple of days while Eve's with my parents. Not so sure we can do that anymore, but-"

"That's nonsense" Tom cut in "we've got plenty o' rooms to fit everyone in, right?" He turned to Hal who was looking particularly wary. When he realized eyes were on them, he folded and nodded along.

"Sounds like a party" Alex said, smiling.

"I can't believe we'll finally be able to fill up all these rooms" Annie said, looking rather excited at the prospect of having a full house.

"There's sure gonna be a lot of people to wrestle the remote from on Thursday nights" Mitchell said.

"Oh, you watch the Antiques Roadshow too?" Hal chimed in.

Mitchell and George stared at each other, trying to hide their horror.

"Don't mind them" Alex said, waving it off "men and their silly little TV shows."

"Oi, you watch it too" Tom said.

"So how exactly did you end up in the middle of this?" George asked Alex.

"Well, let's see... I went on a date with Hal, and then his friend killed me. He hung me body out to drain the blood, and then he gave it to Hal to drink."

"Wow" George said "that is one heck of a story."

"And you stayed friends even though all that happened?" Mitchell asked.

"Well I can see why" Nina said, angling her head to the side, "that Hal looks pretty damn-"

"Nina" Annie said, lowering her voice, "I promised George we wouldn't skim magazines and ogle men anymore, remember?"

"I'm sorry, you used to do what?" Mitchell asked.

"Oh, look" Annie said, suddenly gesturing towards Alex "I didn't even notice, your hair's grown and everything! You look very beautiful."

"Well thanks" Alex said, and then turned to poke Hal in the ribs. "He said the hairstyle made me look like a bloke."

Annie looked appalled. "Hal, you do not say that sort of thing to a lady!"

"But I never— I didn't—!"

Alex began chuckling. "I was just messin' with you all. Hal would never say anything of that sort, he's way too posh for that."

"Anyway" Hal said, containing a sigh, "the point is that it all worked out for the best. Mostly."

The new door suddenly creaked open, causing all the guests to turn their heads. A little boy walked out from behind it.

"Oliver?" Alex asked incredulous.

Annie frowned. "Who's that?"

"Oliver Fitzwilliam Pryor" the boy said with a smile and bow.

"Oliver used to haunt Honolulu Heights for a long time before he passed on" Alex said. "He was there even before you three bought the house."

"How... lovely" Annie said, apprehensive. "Wait, were you the one who kept leaving dust bunnies under the sofa in the attic? Because I cleaned up there twice a day and it still _somehow_ got dirty."

"My apologies" Oliver said "but haunting one's house does sometimes attract all manner of dust and mites."

"So what're you doing back here?" Alex asked.

"It was my house originally, in case you've forgotten. Mother simply suggested I take a holiday of sorts. Away from all the hustle and bustle of the world."

Alex shook her head, smiling. "You ran away didn'cha?"

Oliver's expression said it all. "Can I please just stay here for a while? Oh please, oh please? I won't cause _any_ disturbances."

Annie turned to Hal. "He's talking an awful lot like you, you noticed? Do you have a child we're not aware of, Hal?"

The blood drained from Hal's face. "What?! No!"

Alex let out a laugh.

"Tea, anyone?" Hal asked, rising from the sofa. He headed for the kitchen before anyone could even reply.

"I better go in there" Annie said, "keep him from sticking a knife through his eye out of embarrassment."

"You just want to make sure he brews the proper kind of tea, don't you?" George asked.

"Well it's a perfectly valid reason..." Annie said sheepish, and ran off after Hal.

"It's kind of weird that you're living in one of our memories" George said, looking around.

"Hal says it's our reward for killing the devil" Tom said "but I find it kinda odd that we're still stuck having to work an' all that."

"Yeah, I never thought we'd need currency in the afterlife" Alex said. "Turns out no one really knows exactly how this whole world works."

Knock knock. Everyone turned their heads to look at who had caused the noise. A tall man in a dark coat walked in through the door.

Mitchell furrowed his brows. "Gilbert? What are you doing here?"

The man smiled at the mention of his name and approached the rest. "Was in the neighborhood and thought I'd pop round for a visit."

"But how did you know about this place?" George asked. "Last time we saw you, we were in the other house."

The kitchen doors swung open and Hal and Annie walked out with tea trays.

"That's because I met someone who seemed to know you lot."

Gilbert moved aside to reveal Leo and Pearl. Hal froze in place the moment he saw them.

* * *

Tom and Alex had to bring a few chairs from the kitchen in order to accommodate the growing number of people who were beginning to show up in their living room. Soon enough, everyone sat down to talking more privately. Alex was telling Nina and George about a film, while Annie caught up with Gilbert, and Tom played hide and seek with Oliver. Hal was more than happy to be able to see his old friends again.

"I'm missed you two so much" Hal said, regarding them.

"We're missed you as well, Hal" Leo said, putting down his cup of tea. "How has everything been?"

"No more relapses, I hope" Pearl said, motherly.

Hal tried to keep his mask from slipping. "I may have faulted along the way, but my friends have always known how to bring me back on the straight and narrow."

"You're avoiding the question, Hal" Pearl said.

"Pearl" Leo said sternly.

"I'm sorry" she said, "it's just so odd seeing you here. What happened?"

"A ritual" Hal said. "My friends and I had to perform a ritual to save the world of the devil."

Leo looked surprised by the news. But his expression soon changed to a soft one. He placed a hand on Hal's shoulder and gave a squeeze. "We're really proud of you, Hal."

"Both of us" Pearl said with a heartfelt smile.

Hal tried to keep back tears from invading his eyesight. "So how have you two been?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Well turns out we can't find a minister to marry us. They all said it was an appalling thought to marry two dead people." Pearl scoffed. "Pansy, closed-minded idiots..."

"Pearl, it's okay" Leo said, placing an arm around her, "we'll find one eventually." He turned to Hal "Until then we've decided to just enjoy our life as fiancées."

"Well I'm very happy for the both of you" Hal said.

"What about you, Hal? Met anyone special yet?"

Hal glanced back at Alex who was busy reenacting a film scene from "Alien" for Nina and George.

"It's... still early to say."

* * *

"So how are things with you and Owen" Gilbert asked, while lighting another cigarette.

Annie looked surprised. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Wasn't that the plan? Be a good wife for Owen?"

"God, that was such a long time ago, wasn't it?"

"So the plan's changed, then?"

Annie nodded. "Massively. Turns out my lovable fiancé whose life I wanted to make easier?" She pointed towards herself. "Killed me."

Gilbert did a double take. "No, you're serious?"

"As a push down the stairs" Annie said. "But never mind that, it's like ancient history now. What've you been up to lately?"

"Well, I travelled a lot. Bought a CD out of every store in Scotland."

Annie's eyebrows joined. "CDs? _You_? What happened to that old tape player thing you had with you?"

"I'm still buying proper music, mind you. I may have had to make a few concessions on the format, but not with the essence.

Annie smiled. Typical Gilbert.

"So are you seeing anyone nowadays?" he asked suddenly.

"I uh—well—" Annie tripped over her own words. "I kind of am, I suppose."

Gilbert frowned. "Not that Owen fella, though?"

"God, no."

"Well if things ever turn sour and you find yourself alone again..."

Annie nodded, smiling. "You'll be the first to know, don't worry."

* * *

Night had quickly snuck upon everyone in the house, and before they knew it, all the guests had retired to their rooms. Luckily, Honolulu Heights had enough space to accommodate all of them.

Hal woke up a few hours later, feeling thirsty. He was heading down the stairs and towards the kitchen, when he saw a light on in the living room.

Tom was sitting by the new door, waiting.

"You should get some rest" Hal said, taking a few steps toward him.

"Maybe later."

Hal figured why Tom had probably spent hours staring at a door. "You're waiting for Natasha."

Tom nodded absentmindedly.

"You're sure she'll come along?"

"She has to" Tom said, "all of you got your reunion and catchin' up, didn't ya?"

"Alex didn't really get to meet anyone from her past."

"But she has you, don't she?"

Hal stayed silent, realizing what it had to be about.

"It's not fair. It's not fair that all o' ya have someone and I'm sittin' here alone."

"You're not alone, Tom" Hal said, "You'll never be alone."

"But I am, though. And I can't even wait for Allison 'cause she's still alive in her world, and I'm mad at meself 'cause a part o' me kind of wishes she wasn't." Tom wiped away a tear that had been forming in the corner of his eye.

Hal went over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Tom, what you did for Allison back then required more strength than I could've ever mustered. You knew she was in danger if she stayed with you, and so you told her to keep away. If I would have done that for Alex, she wouldn't be here either. But she'd be home. With her brothers, and her father. She'd have a life, Tom. That's what you did for Allison. You did the right thing."

Tom took a deep breath. "How come doin' the right thing doesn't ever mean I can get the girl?"

Hal had to smile at that. "Would you mind if I waited with you?"

"Thought you didn't think she was really comin'."

"Well you changed my mind."

"I did?"

Hal nodded and settled next to Tom, in front of the door.

They spent the next hours chatting and even joking, Hal always attempting to get Tom to smile. The door remained unopened, but Tom never lost hope that that would change one day. If the afterlife promised anything, it was all the time in the world.


End file.
